...so i touched it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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