We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So much Jack, so little girl.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
