i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
