At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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