Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
