I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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