You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
