Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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