Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
