No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
