Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
