Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
