He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
