Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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