We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
