He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
