WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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