i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
