Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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