Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
