can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
