like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
