I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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