he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
