Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
