I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
