im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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