Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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