With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
