brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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