He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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