It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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