You're earring is so big in my mouth
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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