I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
