I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
