I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
