I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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