Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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