Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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