if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
