And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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