How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
