He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
