Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
