if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
