I will die if light touches me.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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