I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize