went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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