oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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