I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
