how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
